Too much I'd like to say

I sit here feeling this strong impulse to write and write and write and write. The problem is, I don't know exactly WHAT to write about. But since my boyfriend suggested earlier today to write about our relationship, because he is curious to see how I think, I guess I will fullfill his idea. Afterall, I do want to write about us, it's just I have two tiny problems: 1. I'm a bit on the private side. As long as I don't divulge too much about my personal life, I'm okay. 2. This is going to be public...

Oh well, I guess I will do it, anyway. It's too tempting.

What to write about, what to write about...

So it begins.

This is my first relationship on a serious note. And I'm not planning on having other ones. I dated casually before, but never been any near as serious as I came with this one. As I'm a hopeless romantic, and I mean forever a hopeless romantic, I did have my number of passionate crushes. I used to be an active Mormon, which this has been very restrictive for me. Despite that I was quite dedicated to the church and the ways to be, I couldn't help but develope attraction towards certain folks. It's natural. It's been actually extremely challenging for me. I'm generally a passionate woman, always had a passionate aura about me, but a quiet one, as I was used to surpressing my emotions due to church standards. I had sexual desires, and when I set my interest on someone, boy did I want them! And they knew that. Repressing my emotions wasn't serving me any good, as it drove me close to nuts, at times. Nonetheless, I never gave in to my desires, and made a decision to choose wisely. I wanted a meaningful relationship in which I could unleash myself, not just sexual encounters with men to whom I wasn't attached to.

I was a virgin up to a certain age at which people start wondering if there is something wrong with me. I look decent, have a cute face (according to people), petite body, talented, creative, studious, sensitive, and so on...how come I have never been involved with anyone, then? Oh well, it's personal choice.

In my entourage, I was always the last to get a date. Not because guys didn't like me or want me, but because I was pretty much impossible to get to, much less get close to. It was rare for me to like someone, or be attracted to them....and when this happened, I couldn't be with them because of church reasons. Other than the church entourage, I had another one outside of it, from college. But, I did not like any of the guys outside of the church, because most were only into parties, ''living life to the fullest'' AKA: Getting wasted regularly and doing drugs to the point where they don't know of themselves...and of course, only looking for occasional sex. Yeah, not the kind of guys I would even go on a date with. The funny thing is, even the church ones were looking to play the girls...so, I was pretty strict about them, too. I watched many of my fellow girl members get played by these so-called church guys, and it only left me shake my head in disdain. Somehow, being so unreachable and stuck-up made me somewhat more appealing to a lot of them, which this never ceased to surprise me. Why would one want to get with someone who doesn't give two shits about them and doesn't care to know them? Nonetheless, some of these guys did ''dare'' to flirt me up (and I say ''dare'', because I was told by my friends that some of these boys were afraid to approach me, because I was, obviously intimidating through my careless, stuck-up attitude, but they were interested in me), and I eventually ended up developing a crush on a few, as they worked their way under my skin. Of course, they were trying to exercise their power of seduction with me, and, me knowing that deep down, I always chose to drop them before I had my heart broken. This would leave them speechless, but not too surprised. Either way, as any woman, I still enjoyed the attention and the seduction games.

Later, I decided that the church was too much for me to handle emotionally, and that I wasn't made for it. I left it, and never regreted my decision. Not once.

Separating myself from my church entourage, it has been quite a long adjustment for me. I was afraid to date non-Mormon men, as I was taught that they are looking for only one thing, and you know what I mean. Being that was the thing I most feared even during my church years, I was afraid to date.

But then I moved to Germany, where I met my boyfriend. It can't be better than this. I feel safe with him, and he respects me more than any of those Mormon guys ever did.

Next time, I will talk more in-depth about my relationship with him. It's almost 5 AM and I need to go to sleep.

It's been a while

So yeah, it's been a while since I last posted on this blog. Many things have changed drastically, many have happened.

Well, how do I begin? I moved to Germany, where I lived in Berlin for a while, met my now-boyfriend and eventually moved in with him. So, right now, I live in Münster, still Germany. It's been a hard time in my life, as any major change is, be it positive or not. Having to let go of things and leave one big chapter behind, is not easy. I have been both happy and sad, at once. Right now, I am happy to be with the man I love, since this has been one of my number one wishes in quite a while.

I've got what I wanted, on more than one level. I love waking up to his face staring at me and then covering me with smooches.

My family has been quite unaccepting about my relationship with him. They have been very stubborn about the fact that I am happy to be with him. Yet, his family has been very accepting and warm with me, which this usually happens the other way, having in mind that he is Asian. I've heard many horrific stories about non-Asian girls dating Asian guys and how the guys' family promptly rejected these girls, no matter how wonderful they were. In my case, the reverse happened. It's been quite the fight for me, for us both. But we won, eventually. Now we live together and have each other as we dreamt so much so, without anyone bothering us, by trying to interfere and put paranoid thoughts into our mind.